so i was thinking... college and my future is waiting to be determined by some people that ive never met - kind of interesting if you ask me. and i kept thinking and i realized that theres not much in my life that i control right now. well okay thatd be exaggerating a little bit.. but sometimes it feels that way and then i get all hyped up and discombobulated.. sometimes over nothing and sometimes for a very legit reason(atleast to me). One way that i get over this little glitch is by writing. writing is this amazing way of getting out all the bottled up feelings and spilling them onto a piece of paper and just letting it all go.
writing, real writing, can be like living to a certain degree. you write what you live, and you put your emotions, feelings, and heart into what you're mind morphs into words and makes visual by the stroke of a pen or the touch of a key.

gimme a song and ill give you meaning

meaninglike you've never seen it before

i'll give you hope and a whole new world

write it down before you lose this thought

it might change what you've got

can you see all that's in front of you... or do you need to squint a little bit closer

because the beauty may be down within

so make yourself useful

dig deep, never give up,  play for keeps

for it may be over before the blink of an eye

don't tell me that i didn't warn yah

i dont want to see you cry

now go and be great while you've still got time

"Tiny Vessels"

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite i gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did i that day

All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

[	mood	|	restless	]
[	music	|	A Lack of Color- Death Cab for Cutie	]

I've got a hunger
Twisting my stomach into knots
That my tongue was tied off

My brain's repeating
"if you've got an impulse let it out"
But they never make it past my mouth.

What to do?

What to do?

I'm confused again to how it got like this. But all I know is it's up to me to fix it. I'm working on it, starting now.

Please I need this, I do.

The rest is just a life style of magazines and cigarettes.

What else is there to do?

Please export me to you. Now, take me NOW!

I want to leave this place and fly, fly away.

What else is there to do?

Without you I'm dying. I'm feeling it. It hurts.

Back.

Gone.

Back again.

Until later.

[	mood	|	devious	]
[	music	|	Feeling This- Blink 182	]

Get ready for action!
I'm feeling this

Fate fell short this time
Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
I'll leave when I wanna

So I got a new wallet today and I'm realllly pumped! haha that's sooo dorky but i love it!

GET READY FOR ACTION!

Love, Peace, & Music*

[	mood	|	anxious	]
[	music	|	Runnin' Down a Dream- Tom Petty	]

" I felt so good, like anything was possible"

I'm excited right now because in an hour I'm going to get picked up by Brian, Peters, & Carly, to go to Bri's lakehouse! yay. Hopefully Bri will play some Petty on the way because I was so nice & burned him the greatest hits cd. That's why I'm listening to Carly's & my theme song from the cd. Today I woke up and went for a run around 8:30 and then got home to go work out again at Elite with my madre. There I saw Brian d. and burned around 300 some calories... not nearly enough, but it'll have to do for today. Then I went home took a shower & met Carly for Starbucks. From there I went to Brookfield Square to meet my mom & sister. Then I went to TJ's and got a new wallet so I can become somewhat organized. Came home and have been writing thank you's to everyone for my birthday.

I can't wait to see some of my favorite people! Till then

LOVE, PEACE, & MUSIC*

Tonight I went to Louise's with my family. Everything was great. Until that one focal point when everything goes down hill. It always seems to happen. I don't really know why or how it gets to that point, but it finds a way - always. I got to thinking that maybe half of what my mom says is true.

Yes, maybe I need to grow up.

Yes, I definately need to have more responsibility.

Yes, I need to start taking action and get ready for school.

Yes, I need to be more thankful and yes, I need to show it more.

Yes, college is coming soon and I should be writing my essays.

Yes, I need to do something with my life so I don't turn out to be a loser.

I think the problem is that these things are drilled into my head 24hours a day, 7 days a week. I know that sometimes I don't follow through with every single thing that I am asked to do. But does anyone really do everything that they are supposed to do? I'm not really sure. I think there has to be a turning point. I think I have to decide what I want with my life. It seems somewhat early seeing that I am still in highschool, but I also realize that there's only one more year left. Sometimes that scares me, because I am not good with drastic change. I try to avoid it, at almost every cost. It has to end, the avoiding and the procrastinating. So therefore I am ready to become... I won't say a different person, because for the most part I like who I am, but a more responsible person and someone who has priorities. This is the start, and tomorrow is a new day. This somewhat philisophical person once told me- "There are two roads in life which we can take. One is a faster, shorter path, which for the most part is straight. The second path on the other hand is winding and it takes longer to get to where you're going. Most people would like to take the first one, and who would blame them. Yah know the first one sounds great, no curves or bumps to overcome. But most people don't live a straight and narrow life, they try but few succeed. The other path winds and turns, and along the way things start to happen. These things may not be expected, and may catch the driver off guard like a deer running across the road, but they are teachers- every one of them. Taking the second path chosen by few, is how we learn in life, it is how we know the difference between right and wrong. We don't always learn these things the easy way, which is a good thing because the things that come easy aren't always worth it. All I am trying to say is that the things that go wrong in life, if learned by, will eventually make those things down the road right in some way, shape or form. I didn't figure this out all on my own, a very good friend taught me this, a best friend. Thank you. I love you and I always will, no matter what. I hope you are having a good night.

Sweet dreams to all.

Love, Peace & Harmony.

[	mood	|	cheerful	]
[	music	|	Speed of Sound- Coldplay	]

FUCK YEAH BABY E to the I to the G to the H to the T to the double E to the N!

* CARLY I'M SO PUMPED TO BUY DIRTS!----> Legally!

* I LOVE YOU I'LL SEE YOU AROUND 1:30!

* TIME TO WORK OUT Y'ALL!

THE SUN IS SHINING!